I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
