I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
