The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
