Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
