dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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