I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
