this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
