I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I got her a Nickelback box set.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
