Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
