I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
