Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
