I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
