I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
