Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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