Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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