Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
