what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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