I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
