When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
