Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
