Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
