my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
