Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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