I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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