I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
