I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
