By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
