I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
