those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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