I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
