OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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