Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It was confusing and full of hummus
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
