Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
