there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
