Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Randomize
