i just made my gag reflex go away.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
