I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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