ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
