rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
