I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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