I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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