My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
