I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
