im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
