I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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