So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
