All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
