It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
