Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
