I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Randomize
