i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I only lived at night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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