420 ftw
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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